foamyfandomcom-20200215-history
Black Connecticut
{Germaine and The Hatta are in a pool} Germaine: So, you gonna move to Connecticut or stay in New York? Hatta: Connecticut?! Motherfucka be trippin'. Connecticut ain't no place for an urban black man! Germaine: How's that? Hatta: 'Cause, it's all like, Morgan Freeman/Bill Cosby up here. I like my black neighborhoods to be like Tupac/Biggie hood. Not some sweatervest, jazz-lovin', Black Republican type shit. Besides, where my Farrakhan's at? Or, you know, Al Sharpton types. I need my political figurehead stirring shit up. Not discussing goat cheese over wine! Listening to some classical Yo-Yo-Mama shit. Fuck that. And what self respecting brotha gonna be drinkin' wine?! Overpriced grape piss, that's what that is. If I want my alcohol to taste like grape, I mix a 40 with my grape soda! Germaine: Don't you ever get tired of being a racist stereotype? Hatta: See, that's how stupid whitey is! Only white people can be racist. Black people just "have a strong opinion of lighter-toned individuals". White bitch be dumb. Germaine: You're such an ass. Hatta: Don't be stupid, I don't have to call you dumb bitch. Germaine: So, when are you going back home? Hatta: OH, are my urban views too extreme for your Carlton, Fresh Prince lifestyle? Sorry, I didn't mean to wrinkle your Cosby sweaters and disrupt your goat cheese tastin' with my in your face reality! Didn't mean to burst your bubble butt! Just tellin' ya how it is! Germaine: You know, living in New York has really skewed your perspective. Hatta: OH, now I'm all fucked up! Yeah. How 'bout, you be so far removed from New York, you'd be a Stepford wife, goat cheese lovin', motherfuckin' Himalayan salt tastin', wine guzzling, self involved, nature loving, {Pilz-E appears in the background of the pool, in a raft with a sign labeled 'CANADIA OR BUST', which sails slowly across the pool}, Cosby watchin', pompus ass licker of the rich and famous, jazz listenin', Morgan Black Republican Freeman foreign film watchin', french pastry eatin', Housewife paintin', 'Oh, I have an antique shop too', jewelery makin', home bakin', recipie swappin', coupon clippin', farmer's market, flea market, equestrian horse fucking, thrift shop ripoff, Connecticut foliage, chocolate pretzel motherfucker! {Begley jumps out of the pool, wearing a snorkel and face mask} Begley: Right, um, in England, we just call them Toffee-nosed wankers. Hatta: Oh, here we go with the Big Ben lovin', god save the queen, punk came from England, where are my tea and biscuts, we call it a lift, a fag is a cigarette, it's not busy, it's engaged, Benny Hill watchin', Monty Python quotin', John Cleese, silly walkin', re-enacting, scone eatin', tea time, irish occupin', Churchill lovin', hoodie wearin', attack the black Shawn of the Dead, cinema makin', stuffy, antique roadshow, with the how's your father, seafarin', prince chasin' paparazzi, tabloid lovin' gossip monger, Spice Girl breedin', Oasis lovin', ya sound like ya gay but ya not, {Pilz-E sails offscreen, Hatta becomes even more agitated} lets send all prisoners to Australia, BBC Four, flat livin', nibble eatin' goofball, mothafucka. {Hatta drops out of sight} Begley: Um, he's actually kind of spot on though, even if he is racist. {Hatta appears again} Hatta: WHAT YOU SAY!? Begley: scared Nothin' mate, nothin'. Hatta: I'M OUT, BITCHES! Germaine: Part of me misses New York but I'm really glad I don't have to deal with that shit every day. Begley: I-I swear, his head would explode if he met a black man with an english accent. Germaine: Please don't let him know about that. {End screen} Category:Episodes